Friday, January 2, 2015

emotional habits


feeling ill over the holidays leaves you with feeling not much else. it was also a good excuse to be ignored on new year's eve and not be kissed/hugged to wish me happy new year 2015. this sounds so sad, but to me, it's actually not at all. 

looking back on the last year - it did pass quite quickly and without much meaning. if I hadn't travelled, nothing exciting would mark 2014 for me. which got me thinking recently.. what exactly does make a year/life meaningful?

at 25, I've come to a point in my life, where I've got most things figured out - job, home, friends. it's funny how I actually put it in this order.. I've come to accept that: I live to work. I tried to change it but in the end it's an important part of what my life is/was about up until now so I guess I just keep on rolling with it. 

I would love to have something else in my life to give it meaning. a feeling similar to a partner, or a child, even a pet.. but at the end of the day I'm (still?) too egoistic to make my life about another being. I've always been a loner, never dwelving too much on feelings, happy or sad. it's like an addiction, being me. I know it's not healthy but I don't want to stop. not just yet. 

to do what I want has always been a freedom I desired, but what's next? I'm a firm believer that we need security as much as surprise in our lives. to have something to fall back on, family, friends - as well as money and a home, of course - is the base we need to live. but from that point on, isn't it exciting, that nothing is set in stone? anything can happen at any given moment?

I actually have to move out of my apartment in a few months.. so I guess I'm ready for some change, definitely. bring it!

PS: if you are not familiar with the image above, do me a favor and watch donnie darko. you're welcome.

2 comments:

  1. to me being with someone doesn't mean "make my life about another being". to be honest my findings are the complete opposite. for me it means building a life together while still having your own life. this may sound like it doesn't make any sense - but to me it does. :-)
    After about two years together I still have my own life, with my decision, what I do, what I love, what I care about - just like he does. I actually thinks this way it makes for a much healthier relationship.

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  2. oh, to find a person that makes me feel independent! hopefully I will someday.

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