Monday, March 30, 2015

pressure

yup, this is a life-size print of me, dressed as an angel in the middle of our office.

on a recent business trip on my own, I've felt like I'm back in school. the anxiety, the headache, I've felt sick to my stomache.. my mind told my body to revolt. but as I'm not a teenager anymore, I couldn't just chicken out like I used to..

now I can look at it all from a different angle and realize it all comes down to the pressure I've put onto myself.

nobody ever said I had to be a certain way. I always told myself: this is how you should be, Lisi! be popular, be cool, be sociable. I'm none of these things, and I can't force it. what I know now is: that's totally fine.

this business trip was mainly to acquire new clients - no problem for me, if I know somebody wants or has to listen to me, I'm all in. but casual small-talk? networking with others from the business? big fat NOPE.

I've spent my first day at breakfast frantically looking for someone to attach to. as soon as I found a girl dressed similarly, I thought she was part of our group, hastily introduced myself and sat down at their table - uff, finally, I belonged somewhere! wrong. turns out, those people have absolutely NOTHING to do with my work, they just happen to attend the same event. haha.

as I quickly scooped my cereal and left rather hastily, I figured I might as well just leave for the congress centre. I knew it was within walking distance, so I typed the destination in my phone and followed the navigation. after around 20 minutes I got a little suspicious and then realized, that I was indeed on the way to a congress centre - but I had 500 km to go, it just happened to have the identical name in another town.. oops.

after just arriving on time, I felt completely drained and I couldn't care less if I had somebody to talk to or not. as everything was already set up, I only had to arrange my cards and presentation and could wait for my appointments. it wasn't as busy as expected, so there was some time to get to know my colleagues. turns out, my embarassing story of my attempt of walking all the way to the other side of the country was the ideal ice-breaker!

even though I did find people to connect with then, I got up even earlier the following day and went for breakfast all by myself. I sat down at the bar, and completely enjoyed being on my own. I even found time for a little walk in the sunshine and thought to myself: it's OK being me, and most of all: I have to do things my way. I can't force me being the sociable networker, and so can nobody else.

day to day, I try to be the best me I can be. and I do aim high! I want to be a lot of things, but sometimes, I just can't be them all at once. endurance has always been one of my strengths. the only way out is through. and what a valuable lesson it is, to realize that the way you are, and the way you would have handled things from the start, was the right thing to do all along.

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