Tuesday, September 29, 2015

the worst/best compliment ever


just came by scarphelia's post about hair & what it has to do with beauty and a woman's (self-)worth. this brought back memories to a really weird story I still kind of never got my head around.

let's take a little walk down memory lane, shall we? imagine 14 year old me, just starting a new school. I eagerly went to a salon before, asking for shoulder-length layers like dido had in her white flag video (ain't I getting old?). unlike her though, my layers started at my temple, revealing my ears to end just above my neck.. I was devastated.


adding insult to injury, the first thing somebody said as I got off the bus for the first day of school, in my way too large 2nd hand uniform (moneyproblems, yay) was, I quote: "hey what are you, a boy or a girl?" I felt alone, absolutely useless and not worthy of any kind of interest/affection.

I hid myself away, and a few of my thirty-something classmates didn't even know I existed by the time of Christmas! [this is not even exaggerating - I wish I was.] but as every little wallflower I had a hopelessly romantic side.. there was, of course, a guy. and not just any boy caught my attention, he was your stereotype cool kid: a rebel, a musician, funny, witty & wildly handsome. and I have to admit, he was genuinely nice to me.

fast-forward roughly ten years: via facebook, he kind of followed my path and found out I was actually into some similar things, classic/alternative rock music, concerts and festivals, and the occasional beer. appearance-wise, I did eventually evolve from a "boy" to a woman, grew my hair out and dyed it a bright shade of red.

we randomly met at an Oktoberfest-like beer festival (how appropriate), talked a lot, drank even more and ended up in my apartment. he did live 3+ hours away, but he tried to see me as often as he could after that, never really committing to anything serious though, which was fine for me (hellooo, distance?). 

however, his actions didn't match his words - what he spoke to me, anyways. he told a mutual friend that he'd like to be with me, he'd somehow fallen for me, and he called me up drunk, several times. what he did say straight to my face was the following, what this whole post is leading up to:

"I don't even care what you look like."
.. compared to his past girlfriends/lovers.

that was quite a blow at first, but only if you share the view that looks are more important than character/inner values. I was never much about being pretty, I'd rather stand out or come across as weird/unusual instead. while I found that hard to comprehend in my teenage years, where seemingly EVERYTHING depended on a beautiful appearance, I basically had no choice as to appreciate everything about me except my rather humble beauty.

in the end, it definitely pays off to just OWN yourself and rock whatever you bring to the table, not just relying on your physical attributes. beauty is only skin-deep, and fades so fast - we're not 19 forever!

that whole experience ultimately got me thinking "fuck this, I'm out" - so I decided not to wear makeup anymore. don't get me wrong, I love styling, hair colours and dressing to match my personality. but for the love of god I couldn't justify to myself why I so desperately wanted attention for my appearance. so I just quit trying to be pretty for my everyday-life.

and boy, did it work wonders on my self esteem. I still didn't like how I looked on photos but GUESS WHAT, princess, that is my face, full stop. it's not that bad, firstly - and most of all, it's not what matters most. I'd rather have someone calling me smart/funny/caring/cool/whatever, than just plain "pretty". simply because, that is not something worth mentionning or to be proud of.

"congratulations, you got lucky in the gene pool lottery, therefore you must be loveable!"
did I get my point across at all?

2 comments:

  1. You go girl! I hardly wear make up any more - I always think it's a bit harsh to wear a full face of make up and then when someone sees you without it, and you look completely different, it's not what they signed up for ;) on a serious note though, I'm sure you a beautiful without it x

    Sam // Samantha Betteridge

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for your kind words, samantha - I think it's so wrong that a girl HAS to be beautiful all the time. it's easy to hide behind makeup, but more important is to be confident in yourself, that to me is true beauty. have a lovely weekend!

      Delete