Wednesday, September 16, 2015

why I stay


"what's holding you back? that's right, nothing." this quote is my desktop wallpaper at work. the world is open, I can do whatever the F I want.. wait tables in the french alps, work in festival organisation in germany, host backpackers in central america.


I was already half way gone. my mind works in black and white, you see. but as life goes, it's not that simple, sweetie. nothing was holding me back - no debt, no family, no boyfriend - so I almost quit my job, because I thought it's either stay or leave for good. boy, did this get my blood boiling!

what I learned: don't confuse excitement with discomfort. long story short, instead of selling my car and leaving everything behind, my boss requested that I move out of the shared flat, and it hit me like a brick. a home of my own, that was my heart's true desire. so I finally rented an apartment by myself and kept my job.

this is the best I've felt in years.. I could do whatever I wanted, but it stopped making me happy. I was stuck in a rut, nothing made sense. I thought going away is the only option, because that's simply what you do when you're young and confused.

I do consider myself an adventurer, but only part-time. more important to me is independance, what makes me feel happy the most is a steady income and a home of my own. pretty traditional and totally uncool, but it's my truth and I can't change it - why though, it makes me happy.

I got inspired daily by people living their dreams, escaping 9-5 life and travelling the world. what I realize now is, I envied them because of how they make their decisions, not the life they lead - because that's up to each and everyone themself.

it doesn't matter what you do, but you HAVE TO DO. ever change, ever try, ever fail - try again! fail better! make your own way, don't try to be something you're not. never forget:

total freedom is not only going wherever you like, but also staying where you want to.

2 comments:

  1. having your own place can make the whole difference. it's a whole other world.
    It gave me air when I felt like I can't breathe anymore.

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    Replies
    1. it's just weird how you "pretend" so long, like - no, that's not what I need when in fact IT IS! :)

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