Friday, June 17, 2016

unscrew my head, polish my thoughts


title inspired by billy talent - the tickets for their november show just arrived via mail, YES!

I finally have new hardware to pursue my passion: writing. searching through my harddrive, which has served me well all these years, I've found some of the most emotional pieces I've ever written.

and now I want to go back to that spark. that rawness. the honesty - just as I'm typing this, "try honesty" comes on - funnily enough. but let's go ten years back: see, at home I always found my computer to be a safer place than 'physical' notebooks or diaries. my parents are absolute noobs concerning modern technology, bless them, so at least I have easy access to all my texts.

and boy, did I write like nobody's watching. I remember being very ashamed of those words, and wanted to hide them away, forever. at the time, I just needed them out of my system and felt so wrongly about them, that I swore never to look at them. until now.

after last year and through therapy, I do understand myself a bit better. I'm still hard on myself but not to that extreme extent. I read those lines from years ago, and I simply understand. I don't judge and I don't feel ashamed, because that was simply what I felt.

nobody should restrain their emotions and even I will have to stop sugarcoating it. we are able to such a range of different feelings, I will never hold back again. whether in my words or actions, but that's a different story.

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