Friday, August 12, 2016

great expectations




I'm a walking contradiction. take a choice away from me and I'll go insane. I'm very confused, and being with me is probably a very confusing task.





suddenly, after 27+ years on this planet, and drinking tee everyday.. I've developped a coffee-addiction out of the blue. never had to deal with something addictive, this new sensation is rather, exciting, I must admit.

I always found the idea of abstinence, of sacrificing things I held near and dear to be therapeutic. cleansing. letting go of seemingly important things to feel pure again. having proof to..

I AM ENOUGH.

I know for a fact, that I do not know how others perceive me. ironically, that's what I cared about for most of my life. I let the expectations of other's, better: what I assumed to be, shape my decisions, my opinions and my emotions. up to a certain point, I still do, sadly.

it's in my nature to go to the bottom of things. just because I've always been on my own doesn't necessarily make me an independant. following my gut and fully grasping the concept of trusting myself to be me, is something I'm still learning.

good thing I'm willing to learn and open to change.. so now I can finally turn things around. as easily as I let myself be the "flag waving in the wind" in the past, I'm now able to shape myself yet again, this time though, for me.

I can't expect to please everyone while sacrificing my own sanity. the right way is to start with myself, make me happy and with this strength I can be the best ME for others.

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