Monday, August 1, 2016

time after time



the moment I realized, I haven't been to a funeral in a long time.
being the controlfreak that I am, I love me some routine. the sense of security only a to-do-list can give me. enough time to think and reflect before making decisions. backing up plan A with not only B, but all the other 25 letters.

we are all creatures of habit. but feeling sadness, and loss, and hopelessness is not in my repertoire. sitting between friends and colleagues, the phrase "I'm not used to this." went through my head. the loss of a loved one shouldn't become a trivial banality of everyday life - but maybe dealing with my emotions could finally become a part of my life?

I dreamt of a fox last night. the soul-guiding animal came for a visit and simply stared at me.

time is a precious luxury I've been missing in the past few weeks, if not months. obvious excuses like work, fatigue and sickness come up, but at the same time they are just symptoms. of course I regret not spending more time with those in need, but with myself in a delicate state, the list is long.

I will write another list tonight. what and who will really matter in say - a year's time, and what I can do to make myself feel balanced again. luckily for me, not only time passes, but also stress and sadness won't last.

1 comment:

  1. Loss is always an unexpected and difficult thing to have to contend with. It never really comes at a time we expect, even when we know someone who has been battling an illness for a while. Sorry that you have had to deal with this recently. I hope that you soon get some time to yourself as well, as downtime is so important, especially in our modern world.

    Rae | Love from Berlin

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