Monday, September 12, 2016

I'm on my worst in summer

I don't know why I have my absolute low in summer. I thought last year was just an extreme year in general, summer being the peak by coincidence, but I've felt the same strain on my heart this year as well.

maybe it's stress from work, it is a busy time after all - but the feeling crept up during my holiday back in june/july already, almost at the same time as the previous one. sleeplessness and stomache pain are the next symptoms that follow.

a friend of mine told me about "pain memory". she referred to the use of pain killers, but I think it affects depressive periods as well. it was like a déja vu and I was terrified to hit the same rock bottom once again, this time without professional help.

but I've applied what I learned:
take a step back.
look at the big picture.
pick apart the mess & figure out: 
what exactly am I feeling, and
what makes me feel that way?
can I change it - or can I change my perspective on it?
don't be too hard on myself.
take the time.

if it seems the weight of the world is on my shoulders, but I don't know who to talk to or about what, I simply write it down. I much prefer to talk after I've figured out what's bothering me.

sooner or later, summer will come to an end, and always remember:

depression is smaller than you. 
it operates within you, you do not operate within it. 
it may be a dark cloud passing - but you are the sky.
(matt haig)

2 comments:

  1. I hope there's someone in your life who you feel comfortable talking to about this, as talking helps so much. If not, maybe consider counselling - I've had it a few times, it's honestly one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

    alicered.co.uk

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    1. hi alice, and thank you for your kind words. I did see somebody last year, you're absolutely right: do regret not getting help sooner! hope you have a lovely day.

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